i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
