I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
