I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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