If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
