I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
