id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
