I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
