naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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