Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
