So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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