what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
