...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
