There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize