You just made me feel so damn special
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
