remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was born a porn star she said
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
