Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
you inspire me to be a worse person
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
