Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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