She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
