I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
