Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
