I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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