that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
