Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
