im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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