Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Randomize
