So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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