Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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