People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
birth control should be required to get into college
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
