You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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