And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
