If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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