im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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