I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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