He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize