So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
