I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize