don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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