Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize