The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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