I met the friendliest cop last night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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