I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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