Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
