Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
