My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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