Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
