Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
