I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
