I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
