It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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