i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
