Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize