Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize