the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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