She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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