I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
