I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
