If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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