oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
