We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
