She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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