i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
