Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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