He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
