Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
