I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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