I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
