She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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